Rural Post Office To Take Up Oil Painting Or Something


A COUNTY Tipperary post office has admitted today to not knowing what the future holds after the government announced that 80 of its fellow branches may be closed across the country in a cost-cutting measure.

Speaking from its main street location, the rural post office explained that there isn’t much work out there for businesses of its kind, as a lot of transactions are now electronic based, forcing it to seek other avenues in life.

“I might take up oil painting or something,” the post office said, while also trying to sell this reporter a cheap pay-as-you-go phone, “we don’t just sell stamps you know, we also do phones, gift cards and even offer banking services like savings accounts. Go on, buy a phone. Ah, ya will”.

An Post has 1,130 post offices, with many of the smaller, rural branches, making a loss for the state owned company.

“I should get a nice pension for all my years working for An Post, but where will I collect it?” it pointed out, “be fucked if I’m going all the way to that smug Clonmel post office every week; it thinks its great with all its bloody hatch numbers and electronic queuing system. Us country offices are a dying breed and it is a disgrace the way we’re being just discarded like an old Garda station”.

It is estimated over 80 post offices could be closed to help curb the current losses of up to €12m per year, with an alternative bailout proposal of up to €58m also on the cards.

“Maybe they shouldn’t call it a bailout,” concluded the office, “this country is sick of that term”.