“Heads Will Definitely, Probably, Maybe, Not Roll,” Taoiseach Confirms After Grace Report

READING from the same carefully prepared statement issued the last 49 times, a report into the HSE revealed myriad shortcomings in the health service which had catastrophic implications for vulnerable members of society, Taoiseach Enda Kenny explained that there may be an extremely remote chance of consequences for those responsible for the failure to protect the woman at the centre of the Grace Report.

“Never again?” the Taoiseach said, his voice rising at the end of his sentence to suggest it was more a question rather than a commitment to finally move beyond apology after apology and seek justice for those let down and abandoned by failings in the HSE.

“Heads will definitely, probably, quite possibly, maybe, not roll,” the Taoiseach added while speaking in the Dáil yesterday. However, he denied that there was any arrangement within the HSE whereby middle management are guaranteed a promotion and bonus for instigating a scandal which sees people suffer immeasurably.

“That scheme was discontinued seconds ago, so don’t try to pin that on this government, or the previous one, or the one before that. We’ve been very tough on pretending to be tough on matters like this,” he concluded.

The Taoiseach’s words came after the publication of the Grace Report, which detailed the harrowing experience of one disabled woman’s treatment while in foster care and the continued failure of the HSE or the gardaí to intervene.

Fine Gael’s leader went on to talk at length but it is believed the public zoned out as it all sounded eerily like statements issued after the publication of the Independent Child Death Review Group report, Áras Attracta abuse inquiry, Portlaoise Hospital report and many others whose publication has resulted in little to no accountability.