“La La Land Was Robbed” Says Man Who Downloaded It But Hasn’t Watched It Yet


ONE vocal movie fan has taken to social media to refute the results of last night’s Oscars, based on the ten or fifteen minutes of each of the nominated movies that he watched after downloading a screener DVD from a torrent website.

Gavin Markey, of fixed abode, eagerly awaits ‘screener season’ each year, when leaked copies of DVDs intended for members of the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Science start to show up online.

Having watched maybe an hour of La La Land, and at best five or ten minutes of the other Best Picture contenders, Markey was horrified to learn that La La Land was pipped to the post by Moonlight, which he hasn’t watched any of but certainly doesn’t like the look of.

“Ah here Oscars, what are youse at” moaned Markey, munching on a Mars.

“The bit of La La Land I watched was way better than anything I downloaded last week. Moonlight? I couldn’t find a torrent of it that was under 4GB, so it can go fuck itself. I don’t care if it’s a ‘searingly brutal glimpse at the troubled life of a young man, beautifully shot and acted by people at the top of their game’… there’s no way it beats the download I have of La La Land. You’d think you were watching it on Blu-Ray”.

Markey was asked if he thought there was anything wrong with watching pirated movies, but he insisted that he’s perfectly okay with watching a movie where a ‘for your consideration’ watermark appears every 20 minutes.