Roscommon Told To Think Of Brown Tap Water As ‘Craft Water’
AS BOIL water notices remain part of everyday life for residents across a number of locations in Ireland, a number of leading figures doing nothing to solve the problem have suggested people in Roscommon just think of it as ‘craft water’.
“It’s probably got that strong taste too, maybe not hops, perhaps an earthy flavour? You can show off to other counties like all those craft beer pricks do,” explained a spokesperson from Irish Water, who had previously confirmed some 456 times that the problem would be solved imminently.
“You bring that into a pub now, and you can charge Dublin prices; €6, €7 and sure nobody will bat an eyelid ‘cus ya said it was craft,” added the spokesperson trying to make the best of a bad situation.
The Environmental Protection Agency has confirmed the need to approve the water supply in a number of locations as part of its Remedial Action List, however, Irish Water have insisted residents could simply adopt a ‘glass half full of browny looking shit water’ outlook.
“We’re trying to fix all the problems, but for the time being, think how fancy you’ll feel talking about all the different flavours and ‘accents’ the craft water has. And the water even has some of the same side effects of the worst craft beer; diarrhea,” the spokesperson concluded.