Putting Pencils Between Your Knuckles & Pretending To Be Wolverine ‘Perfectly Acceptable’, Finds Study


A RECENT study has revealed that pretending to be the popular Marvel character ‘Wolverine’ by putting three pens, three pencils, three knives from the drawer or indeed three of anything between your knuckles is a perfectly normal, everyday part of being a human person.

Wolverine, the tortured ex-special forces mutant featured in the X-Men series of comics, cartoons and movies, has become one of the most famous and beloved Marvel characters of all time, and is set to return to cinemas this week in the highly anticipated ‘Logan’ with Hugh Jackman playing the titular character for the final time.

Copying Wolverine’s trademark adamantium blades that spring from his knuckles, fans of the character worldwide often find themselves putting pencils between their fingers and making a ‘snikt’ noise as they daydream of being Wolverine, possibly envisioning sticking that prick from accounts while he’s taking too long at the canteen microwave during lunchtime.

Although most people pretending to be Wolverine can have feelings of foolishness, a new study has revealed that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

“Pretending to be Wolverine is like masturbation; we all do it,” said Marvel research specialist Dr. Mark Harrison, the best at what he does.

“You don’t have to feel like you’re some sort of nerd or degenerate. There’s not a person alive who has watched an X-Men movie and not gone home and flailed around with claws made out of HB pencils. People need to be more open about it. I’m sure if you admit to the people you work with that you like to pretend to be Wolverine, they’ll confess that they do the same. Maybe you can all pretend to be Wolverine together”.

Although most people can easily line up three pencils into their fist for a single Wolverine-style claw hand, many have admitted they then struggle to get three pencils into their other fist for the perfect two-handed berserker Wolverine attack.