Click This Link Or You’ll Die, Find Out Why Inside!
The Great Gorgamorragan, the gatekeeper to the eternal kingdom of Clickbait demands your attention or face immediate and agonizing evisceration from a chain mail which gives you cancer.
Offer your feeble and regretful clicks at the feet of Gorgamorragan and feed the internet, for without your clicks it will collapse and fold in on itself, leaving only Buzzfeed lists behind.
If Gorgamorragan goes hungry, you shall all pay with the blood of your first born. Give up your adoration and suckle at the benevolent teat of the great foragger of cat videos and dog gifs.
Praise Gorgamorragan or face extinction, for he is the giver of life, the sharer of Kermit memes. Do not challenge your bestial Lord, live in servitude to him and only him.
Deny the false Gods, and slay the MailOnline beast, this is thine house, the home of worship.
Click with hurried finger his many temptations and behold the emptiness that follows shall be your salvation.