Government Make Drastic Appeal To Cuba To Take Charge Of HSE

A devastating outbreak of deja vu swept across the Nation as a number of people watched a harrowing edition of RTÉ investigates, which highlighted the plight of many people stuck on waiting lists that are not accounted for in official government numbers, WWN can confirm.

Such is the extent of disarray the HSE continues to find itself in, the government has been left with no other choice than to appeal to a rich foreign nation to come in and take over the operating of Ireland’s health service.

The government admit to being blindsided by the stories emanating from the documentary as this is just the 3,217th programme of its kind to detail the ways in which an underfunded HSE is failing its patients.

President D. Higgins, currently on a trip to Latin America, will lead an envoy to Cuba, a nation with a well functioning health system funded by the country’s endless riches, and beg leading figures there to take over the HSE.

“There is a time when a country has to admit defeat and accept it is simply incapable of running a health service, it’s like white lads in the 100 metres final, we just have to accept we’ll never get there,” Higgins explained to Cuban health officials in a desperate plea for help.

The President then handed over a hand written note from the Taoiseach which read ‘Dear Cuba, on a scale of 1-to-10 the HSE is fucked, please help’. While Cuba have yet to formally comment on the request, it is believed any take over of the Irish health system would work in a similar way to the current outsourcing of the abortion problem to the UK.

Meanwhile, Minister for Health Simon Harris has had duct tape forcibly fixed to his mouth by senior government officials after he was caught on camera saying he was ‘ashamed’ by what he saw in the RTÉ programme and even more worryingly for the government Harris almost apologised.