“If You Thought Trump Was Crazy Wait’ll You Get A Load Of Me”
CHIEF STRATEGIST in the Trump administration, Steve Bannon, has broken his silence on his ongoing battle against sanity, WWN can reveal.
“People keep trying to root me down in reality with facts and figures and research and stuff that isn’t Charles Manson level of crazy and I keep yelling ‘no’,” Bannon revealed, while practicing his ‘President Bannon’ signature on a nearby notepad.
“I mean the Goebbels comparisons flatter me, but it’s a bit too early for that, I’ve still a long way to go before I earn it,” Bannon added, as he carefully prepared President Trump’s next series of 3am tweets about how 1-year-old Syrian refugees can cause cancer in the brains of decent ordinary Aryan working class American males.
“Seriously, if you thought Trump was crazy, strap the fuck in,” added Bannon, who worked his way up from humble beginnings as a wife-beating racist to become the racist operator of a grotesque orange puppet, “I’m next level ‘just looking out for the forgotten people of America’ if you get what I mean”.
The former Breitbart news editor also spoke of the excitement at being able influence the most powerful man in the world.
“I always start with a compliment about how big his hands look, then before you know I’m one step closer to convincing him to fuck shit up in some Middle East backwater for no good reason,” confirmed Bannon, who began to look increasingly like a deflated testicle as the interview wore on.
“I’m there when he wakes up, I’m there when he thinks he came up with the Muslim ban, and I’m there in the evening when he thinks he’s the one that came up with shitting on Australia with little justification. Look, Donald can’t even get to sleep without a bedtime story from me about how we’re gonna make a killing while screwing up America good and proper”.
When WWN put it to Bannon that he was in fact a person who delighted in his own ignorance and prejudices to such a point that reasonable people couldn’t be blamed for deducing that he may be insane, he flatly denied such assertions.
“It’s ALT-sane you moron,” he explained.
Bannon refused to confirm the rumours that he is the only person to see ever President Trump with no make up, wig or fake hands attached.
“Our communal bath times are our business and nobody elses,” concluded Bannon, remaining loosely tethered to reality.