Northern Ireland Looking Forward To Calm & Measured Election Campaigns


THE GROWING likelihood of an election in Northern Ireland has been met with little fanfare by locals as they are comforted by the fact any potential campaigning will be calm, measured and respectful, WWN can confirm.

“Some may disagree on the whether or not there should be an election at all, but it’s nice to know none of it will descend into tribal bullshit,” shared local voter Callum Driscoll when speaking to WWN earlier today.

“Look, if a taig bastard wants to vote in a murdering terrorist scumbag, that’s their right. We’ve moved on considerably in recent years, so if a prick like that lands on my doorstep, I’ll hear him out,” another voter, Alison Varley explained.

Voters WWN spoke to also remark on the fact that they trusted all possible candidates to debate the issues most important to the people of Northern Ireland.

“It’s that calm and focused approach they all have to debating each other. There is no bigger issue here than the economy currently, and Brexit, so I can’t wait for them to start hurling insults at each other about shit that happened a generation ago that has nothing to do with anything. Don’t worry, my blood pressure will be fine,” added Belfast native Terry Owens, who turned bright red as he spoke with WWN.

The stand off between the DUP and other parties, including Sinn Féin, arising from the ‘Cash for Ash’ scandal shows no signs of abating. However, in a bid to smooth the waters of transition, Gerry Adams today made an offer to take up the temporary position of ‘Taoiseach of Northern Ireland’ until things are resolved.