No One In Northern Ireland Surprised By This Shitshow, Report Reveals


THE SHOCKING resignation of Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness yesterday afternoon took the UK and Ireland by surprise and plunged Stormont into unforeseen chaos, however, a report has confirmed that this came as no shock to the average member of the public in Northern Ireland.

“Pack of cunts, the lot of ’em,” confirmed one member of the public consulted for the report entitled ‘Shitshow: A Study Into Northern Irish Politics’, suggesting that McGuinness’s resignation, brought about by the ‘Cash for Ash’ scandal and the actions of Arlene Foster, was merely a normal day in Northern Ireland for its citizens.

“One group of pricks couldn’t get on with another pack of pricks… in Northern Ireland… I’m shocked to my core,” the man added, echoing the feeling seen throughout the report that voters in the North are well aware of how dysfunctional their political system can be.

“Wouldn’t piss on any of them if they were on fire. Now, if I pissed petrol that’d be a different story altogether,” added another Northern Ireland native, 93-year-old Agnes Downey.

The fallout from the latest political scandal in Northern Irish politics was predated by the previous scandal which took place very recently and was predated by a similarly described ‘shitshow’, leaving the public in no doubt as to how inept, craven, listless and idiotic their public representatives are.

Meanwhile, those south of the border continue to express their surprise after learning petty partisan squabbling and point scoring extends across all 32 counties.