Queen Diagnosed With Queen Flu


HER Majesty the Queen of England is said to be feeling a ‘wee bit better’ today, as her battle with a particularly nasty bout of Queen flu enters its third week.

Having already wreaked havoc with the Queen’s Christmas plans, including forcing her to miss New Year’s morning mass for the first time in years, sources close to HRH have leaked that Elizabeth II is ‘sick of being sick’, adding that she’s been a fairly dreadful patient throughout the whole bout of Queen flu.

Queen flu, which affects only the Queen of England, is a nasty but survivable strain of common influenza which infects lesser individuals such as everyone else on the planet.

The bug is treatable simply by being the Queen, and having subjects and servants wait on you hand and foot for the duration of the illness, funded by the British taxpayer so nobody has to worry about whether to buy extra turf to stay warm or Lemsips to get paracetamol into the patient.

“It’s nasty, but it’s nothing the combined wealth of a nation won’t sort out,” said one of the Queen’s team of doctors, taking five minutes out from her round-the-clock care.

“I’d hate to see someone who wasn’t the Queen get Queen flu; they wouldn’t last a day. Luckily the Queen has the right immune system to fight Queen flu, unlike say any other pensioner in the country”.

Meanwhile Prince Phillip has confided that the Queen is ‘just a dose’ when she’s sick, and that the whole thing is just a bid to get attention.