Millennial Just Glad To Be Labelled Something


FOR County Clare man, David Corbett, being a millennial is something to be proud of, especially since he has received no other title in his short 35 years of existence.

“I’ve been called a lot of things in my time, but nothing worthwhile or suitable to repeat here,” the Ennis resident explains, “I work as an assistant in retail, so ‘millennial’ is a perfect fit for me, whatever it means. It’s just great to be named something”.

Mr. Corbett is one of millions of young people around the world who have inadvertently received the new label by their predecessors, in a bid to distance their old selves from whatever the generation is up to – with their fancy gadgets and fake news.

“I suppose it gives me some sort of place in society, whether that be high up, or low down on its imaginary rungs, I don’t know,” Corbett added, seemingly fuckless to the implications surrounding such a label, “Us Millennials are getting a lot of mentions lately in the media, now that everything is kinda going tits up. But I’m not sure if we’re being blamed for it, or if it’s just a case they like naming different groups of people to divide us even more”.

The exact origin of the term is currently unknown, but is usually considered to apply to individuals who reached adulthood around the turn of the 21st century, with the earliest proposed Birthdate for Millennials being 1976.

“If they could just tell us how to act, that would be great, because none of us have a fucking notion what Millennials are meant to be doing,” Corbett concluded, “anything to go on would be great. I do try and stare at my phone a lot and abbreviate words when given the opportunity, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that”.