Heavily Intoxicated Man Adamant He Should Be Allowed In Nightclub By Bouncers


NEWS has reached WWN this evening regarding a disturbing incident which took place in Dublin this past weekend.

Various reports emanating from the Harcourt Street area of Dublin city seem to allege that power mad bouncers refused to allow a heavily intoxicated man into a nightclub despite his insistence that he gain entry because he was ‘grand’ and hadn’t had ‘drink too much’.

While it is commonplace for people to be refused entry to the premises, bouncers usually change their mind once an individual, who has consumed enough alcohol to down an elephant, gives out and complains.

“I do be having my mind changed alright,” explained one former doorman and bouncerologist, Daniel Rahily, “if they just keep giving out in mangled English while barely standing up straight, that’s good enough for me, so I’d let them in. However, these days the modern bouncer is a tad more of a dickhead”.

Eye witnesses recalled the shameful incident, which supposedly occurred at 11.45pm and then at 11.46pm, 11.49pm and 11.56pm when the man queued up once again to plead his case.

“The poor lad just wanted to get inside, but even after he called the bouncers a ‘pack of cunts’ and spat at them, they remained unswayed. I saw the guy later on some steps, a face on him like he’d just found out Santa wasn’t real,” recalled nightclub attender Rachel Cummings.

While it has yet to be confirmed, the man at the centre of the incident is said to be considering taking legal action against Shitfaced Nightclub and seeking the counsel of Amnesty International.