Bus Éireann To Close All Bus Routes With ‘That Weird Smell’ On Them

AS the precarious status of many Bus Éireann Expressway routes continues due to losses incurred by Bus Éireann, the transport providers have indicated they may be forced to close down all routes that have a persistent and inexplicably odd smell on board.

“At this stage I can tell you what route a specific bus has been on just by the smell,” a veteran Bus Éireann commuter Harry Gorman confirmed, “that smell of tuna, even though no one is on the bus except for me and the driver and no sandwich in sight, that’s the Cork to Dublin”.

“And that wet sock smell in the height of summer on a sunny day, that’s Galway to Dublin, but Dublin to Galway gives off notes of gone off milk and shite. I won’t miss those routes, but it is fascinating all the same,” Gorman added.

Minister for Transport Shane Ross last week confirmed the dire straits the transport company now finds itself in, but his department has confirmed a plan will shortly be in place which could avert impending difficulties.

“The problem is that some public service routes don’t make money. So we recommend just keeping the Dublin city to Dublin airport bus,” a spokesperson for the department explained, reiterating its desire to see no one lose out, “and once we can prove it can make a bit of money we’ll sell it off”.

Bus Éireann, who would not respond to our requests for comment, have in the past refused to admit that ‘that weird smell’ even exists.