Irish Families Sending Family Portrait Christmas Cards To Be Excommunicated


COMMUNITIES across the country have been alerted to news that strict new guidelines, relating to family Christmas cards, have been issued by An Post and the government following a disturbing increase in a troubling trend, WWN can report.

With many families having already sent out their annual truckload of Christmas cards to an array of people they have little or no time for, it has been discovered by An Post that a worrying number of families are posing for Christmas family portraits and using those photos on their cards.

“It’s all very fuckin’ American if you ask me, isn’t it?” warned An Post’s chief Christmas card checker Gareth Lombard, “I don’t make the punishment but it does seem fair and appropriate,” he added.

The punishment, which cannot be legally enforced, will involve communities encouraged to force any family that chooses to take a ‘cringey’ family photo to be banished and excommunicated in order to send everyone a clear message.

“It’s too short notice to introduce emergency legislation, but if you receive one of these cards from a family never speak to them again, blank them at mass, spit in their general direction,” a government spokesperson shared with WWN earlier today.

“Look at this family of 6,” Lombard added pointing at a fresh pile of incoming Christmas cards, “they’re posing in front of a lovely warm fireplace, but they’re on my route and I know they don’t have a fireplace… that means they went to a professional studio for this photo, it’s, it’s sickening is what it is”.