I’m Not Done Yet, Warns 2016


FOR anyone thinking that the tsunami of death and misery wrought by the year 2016 was over or at least slowing down, we’ve got some bad news; it isn’t over yet.

Not content with killing off beloved figures such as Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Robert Vaughan, Leonard Cohen, Gene Wilder, Muhammed Ali, Ronnie Corbett, Paul Daniels, Terry Wogan and Animal from the Muppets, 2016 continued its assault on humanity by last night offing Andrew Sachs, best known for his role as Manuel from Fawlty Towers.

The news came as a crushing disappointment to those who had expected some sort of festive ceasefire during the month of December, a hope which was further trampled on by a statement from 2016 itself.

“A year has 12 months, not 11!” sneered 2016, who is just being a dickhead for no reason at this stage.

“Why did you think I would be taking December off? It’s the best time of the year to kill off beloved celebrities. You best get Betty White some round the clock care, you’d better keep an eye on Tom Hanks, and has anyone checked up on Paul McCarthy recently? Stay on your toes people, I’m nowhere near done yet!”

Accepting that 2016 intends to kill again before the New Year, most of humanity has taken to motioning in the direction of Donald Trump.