Dublin Gangs Take On More Staff To Cope With Christmas Rush

ASPIRING criminals with previous crime experience have been asked to submit their CVs to a Dublin drug dealer, in a bid to fill 975 temporary positions over the Christmas period.

With drug consumption in the city peaking in the festive season due to the increased amount of Christmas parties and social events, dealers and crime lords across the city often take on extra help to make sure that supply meets demand and revenue stays up.

Applicants must be old enough to deal drugs, run drugs, smuggle drugs, and on occasion get hauled in on petty drug charges which will land them a stretch in prison while their boss evades any sort of police scrutiny whatsoever.

Although the incoming Christmas staff has been told their positions are temporary, most are hopeful that a good performance in December could put them in consideration for a full-time post in the new year.

“I’ve exactly the qualifications for the job; young, broke, dropped out of school, the kind of kid that nobody really gives a fuck about,” said one hopeful applicant, posting his CV off to each of the main drug gangs in Dublin.

“So basically this is the only job that will give me a chance. I can send CVs out to shops and stores all I want, but once they see my home address it goes straight in the bin. Say what you want about drug dealers, they give young people a start”.