Obama Not Going To Bother Fixing White House Toilet At This Stage


“IT’S not like I’m getting my deposit back anyway,” said a deflated-sounding Barack Obama earlier today, messing around with the handle of a White House toilet cistern that never really worked right, but is now completely broken.

Obama had intended to repair the faulty cistern months ago, but with just weeks left in his tenure as the president of the United States, he confided in WWN that he’s probably not going to bother.

“There’s a few jobs that I said I’d get to; fix this fucking cistern, number one,” said Obama, who leaves the White House with several hinges still in need of oiling.

“Just small things, here and there. I was going to give the place the once over; fill a few holes where the kids put posters on their walls, change the lightbulbs in the utility room, that kind of thing… but even if you do all that, the owners will find a way to goose you out of your security deposit. To be honest, the money you’d get back isn’t worth losing a whole weekend doing odd-jobs over”.

Other odd-jobs, including stability in the Middle East, health care, gun control, poverty, weeds between the patio slabs out the back, and taxation reform will all be ‘left to the next lad’, confirmed Obama.