Uncollected Pallet Wondering What It Did Wrong


A NEGLECTED wooden pallet is said to be suffering from severe self esteem issues after it failed to be selected for a nearby bonfire by local youths, WWN understands.

The pallet, left unattended for weeks behind a Lidl was not one of 70 pallets chosen to form part of a structurally suspect bonfire pile on a field in the Waterford area of Europe, prompting the pallet to spiral into an existential spiral which saw it question its own self worth.

“I don’t know what I did wrong, but… I’m obviously hideous,” the pallet shared, which until last month had a family of 400 cans of Polish beer living on top of it.

“You see the lads coming, pulling shapes and you think finally, I’ll feel special, feel wanted, but they never chose me. I just wanted to be doused in petrol and consumed by a raging hot fire, like any other of my kind,” added the pallet, who admitted at least a third of him was moderately soggy after being discarded in a puddle.

“Ugh, what’s the point anymore, it’s going to rain so much between now and next Halloween, I’ll be rotten and unlovable by then,” the pallet concluded, full of anguish.

There is some hope for the pallet, however, as a local hipster restaurant which has just opened in the city needs something to serve its food on that isn’t a plate.