WWN Guide To Taking Advantage Of The Garda Strike

AS November grows ever nearer and the Nation is faced with the prospect of rank and file gardaí striking along with their superiors, WWN explores the best ways you can use this to your advantage.

With a projected increase of 40,000% in crime on the days Ireland descends into lawless chaos, the possibilities are endless.

Rob the elderly

Why stop at robbing an auld one’s TV when you can rob an actual auld one. Families are likely to pay in the region of 10 or 20 euro for the safe return of their kidnapped grandmother or grandfather. Goldmine.

Plan a hit

As reported by the Sunday World, Dublin drug gangs are planning as many as 13,459 assassinations on the 4th, 11th, 18th and 25th of November. Has anyone pissed you off lately? Why not plan your own.

Uninstall water meters

The Garda strikes provide a rare chance to gain access to a water meter without 400 of the boys and girls in blue descending on you with all their might.

Skip to the top of all queues

Fuck queuing!

Beat a clamper to within an inch of his life

Are you parked sideways across two disabled parking spaces? Have you been parked there for 12 hours? Will there be any guards around to stop you? No? Well, now is the time to exact your revenge on those prick clampers for catching you parked on double yellows those 321 other times.

Look up those things on Google you’re afraid to look up

Gwan. No guards are watching you come November, you can look up your Unicorn Anime porn and no one can stop you.

Call the President a leprechaun

With no Garda presence on the streets you can call the President what you like without fear of being hauled before the courts over it.

Kick a lad in the head and get away with it

Actually, this one is an all year round affair if you’ve got the right postal code. This also goes for sexual assaults and all manner of crimes.

Just get on with your day

None of these options tickling your fancy? Well then, just get on with your day and don’t commit any crimes.