Trump Promises To ‘Cunt Punt’ Clinton In Final Debate


PRESUMABLY in a bid to prove that the US presidential race can become infinitely more crass than it already has been up to this point, Republican candidate Donald Trump has received a largely positive reaction to the news that he intends to ‘cunt punt’ rival Hillary Clinton at tonight’s final debate.

“Yeah, that sounds like Donald alright,” a weary American electorate confirmed when asked to comment on the situation by WWN. “Help,” the electorate added.

Political observers who have been monitoring the election as far back as when the media were happy to promote Trump and his message on TV, have speculated that Trump may be trying to distract from all and every defect unearthed about him and his campaign.

Trump has denied the comments were made in a bid to obscure the fact he is a racist, misogynist, xenophobic individual, who has the business acumen of a wet scarf.

“No, I just really want to do it. Cunt punting my rival is the key to making America great again,” Trump claimed to warm applause from his supporters who were relieved to finally hear a concrete outline of one of his policies.

Leading Republican figures have refused to withdraw their endorsement of Trump, but some have said they may change if he was to carry out the cunt punt.

“I intend to kick her so hard, believe me, you’ll be so shocked you’ll completely forget about the 2,345 reasons I’ve given you not to vote for me already,” Trump concluded.