Samsung Galaxy Note 7 Phone Charged With Attempted Murder


A HOMICIDAL phone is in custody after a tense raid conducted by the police in New York resulted in one arrest and no casualties, WWN can confirm.

Neighbours in a Manhattan apartment block raised the alarm after screams were heard coming from the apartment of Jacob Steinman.

“I heard Jacob pleading, shouting ‘don’t do it, please, no, stop. I’ve got kids’. It was terrifying to hear even if he sounded like a little bitch while doing it,” neighbour Gladys Remar remarked of the incident.

The Galaxy Note 7, believed to be an immigrant from South Korea, allegedly threatened to set itself on fire while in Steinman’s pocket after the New Yorker was seen looking up how to return his phone on his laptop. However the phone has not yet confessed to any crime according to police.

“We currently have a smartphone in custody, but will not disclose any further information only to say that it may have been an attempt at a murder-suicide, as it tried to set itself on fire,” NYPD Captain Horatio Diaz told reporters.

The smartphone is not the first phone to be charged with attempted murder as a number so called Nokia ‘bricks’ were arrested in the early 2000s after dropping themselves on their owners’ feet, causing significant injuries.

Samsung, believed to be responsible for the Note 7 issued a brief statement of contrition.

“Oh great, we bet if the iPhone was blowing itself up you’d think that was some sort of genius new feature,” Samsung confirmed in its apology.