34 Injured As Swarm Of Killer Jellyfish Take To Land & Attack Primary School


THE LEGITIMATE concerns of parents nationwide have been proven correct if the harrowing news emanating from a Waterford school this morning was anything to go by.

As the media rushed to warn the public of dangerous jellyfish which are actually Portugese man of war, in a modest collection of over 45,000 error strewn articles, parents have been on high alert, urging their children to stay at least 47 miles away from the nearest beach.

However, such precautions proved pointless for the junior infant class of Tramore’s Almost Saint Teresa’s National School as the murderous jellyfish launched a daring 9am raid on the seaside school.

“They were making awful ‘gloop gloop’ sound as they wriggled up the corridor, before I could do anything, they were in the classroom,” soon to be fired primary school teacher Niamh Hurley explained to WWN. “They made no demands, they just attacked”.

The shocking details, too disturbing to print, involved 34 children being stung by a group of 13 nefarious jellyfish who at this point have not communicated to us that they are not affiliated with ISIS, making the attack all the more disturbing.

“They hate the children’s happiness, I think that’s what sets them off,” jellyfish expert Ron Trout told WWN.

“Jellyfish, like the Irish, are impervious to psychoanalysis, but we do know they only leave the ocean to kill. We can be thankful the poor kids were only injured,” Trout added.

Jellyfish have often taken to the shores of countries to execute attacks which give voice to the frustration that many young jellyfish have owing to the fact they have no career or employment options outside of the field of being a jellyfish.

More as we get it.