Fuck Real News, Here’s What Kate Middleton Is Wearing In Canada

IN A similar move to many of our media peers, we here at WWN decided to divert most of our extensive resources away from frankly boring ‘real news’ to gawk at what clothes Kate Middleton was wearing while on holiday in Canada, because fuck real news.

Could we broach more serious subjects that wouldn’t render our profession a bit of a laughing stock? Yeah, but the only broach we care about is Kate’s one! It’s a maple leaf!

Sitting through lectures on ethics, and reading endless stories on the power of journalism to inform and educate, and affect society for better did nothing for us when we were in college, if we’re being honest it kind of pissed us off. Who needs that shit when we can clearly see how fucking demure Kate Middleton is. Fuck-ing-de-mure.

She’s like a living doll, who empowers us all so very much. Which is why we’re spending fuck all word count on the issues herself and Wills are addressing while on holliers, in favour of admitting defeat and bowing down to her Royal Fashionista.

Kids dying in Syria is too depressing and in fairness, how on trend is Kate? She’s flawless, does she have thoughts, opinions, ideas? Who cares, I want her fucking clutch purse and I’m being quite well paid to spend 3,000 words and 37 photos to tell you just that. Do you want to know where you can donate to worthy causes or do you want to know where you can pick up this dress? We’ve got a special plug in that shows where you can buy the dress, but we’ll let you decide.

Kate’s not just a modern dress wearing woman body of flesh and hair that we can worship like some sort of God, she also wears jumpers and thank Christ she does because I get to include yet another photo of her. The only thing more casual than this is my definition of the word ‘journalism’.

Don’t let anyone tell you this isn’t important, especially that nagging voice of 13-year-old you, who said you wanted to grow up to be a journalist and make a difference.