“Relax, You’re Still More Likely To Be Killed By A Pothole Than A Terrorist” Government Assures Public

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WITH a growing climate of fear surrounding terrorist attacks permeating everyday Irish life, the government has urged the Irish public to ‘relax’ as there are much worse things they should worry about.

“Take the roads for example, Jesus, the state of them, and here’s you worried about ISIS. You’re taking your life in your hands every time you pass through Cavan using its extensive network of potholes,” government spokesperson senior civil servant Cyril Sergeant explained to WWN.

While the government has been quick to acknowledge the concerns many citizens have regarding large scale terrorist attacks that could come from ‘lone wolves’, they have reiterated that potholes pose a bigger national security threat.

“We lost a bus load of kids down a pothole there in Monaghan last week, the thing was the size of GAA pitch. The fire brigade said it was like that Upside Down place in Stranger Things only instead of a mad scary monster, there’s just Sean the farmer peering in and shouting,” Sergeant added.

Irish security forces have been criticised for having an anti-terrorism strategy in place while at the same neglecting the threat posed by massive crevasses on our roads.

“You can’t get racist about potholes, so I think that’s why the level of worry is that bit lower,” explained security expert Noel Gould.

Despite the government’s recent utterances, it went on to admit that much like ISIS, potholes are here to stay.

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