Ploughing 2016: New All-Ireland Hand-Spitting Champion Crowned

AS the 2016 Ploughing Championship in Tullamore draws to a close, a new champion hand-spitter was crowned as the finals of the All-Ireland hand-spitting tournament was won in decisive fashion by Longford man Pete Canlon.

Claiming a 6-5, 6-4, 7-5 straight sets victory over Cork’s Cian Loughlain, Canlon staked his claim as one of the most exciting hand-spitters on the circuit right now with a stunning display of textbook hand-spitting.

Spitting in the left, spitting in the right, spitting in the left then rubbing it in the right, the 26 year old Canlon left the 57-year-old Loughlain with no choice but to go on the defensive as the two men circled each other in front of a crowd of 7,000 people in the Ivomec-sponsored spitting arena.

Finally succumbing to a left-right-rub-hands-spit-in-the-right-again-reach-for-a-handshake combo, Loughlain had nothing for praise for his young adversary.

“Fair play to Pete there, I did my best, but he had youth and power on his side, ” said Loughlain, soaked to his elbows in phlegm.

“He’s the future of hand-spitting in this country, really he is. There’s no-one out there that can touch him right now, and I’m pleased to have been beaten him in my last match, Yep, that’s it for me. This is a young man’s game”.

Canlon will now go forward to represent Ireland in the upcoming Hand-Spitting World Cup, already marred with controversy after several Russian hand-spitters tested positive for chewing gum.