Dozens Of Women Hospitalised By Local Fanny Magnet

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THERE were grisly scenes in Waterford city centre this afternoon, after dozens of women suffered severe pubic injuries when a local fanny magnet walked into town.

Sean Coughlin, 34, attracted vaginas to himself with such force that in some instances, women reported that their genitals were ripped away from their bodies. Reports have confirmed that Coughlin was wearing his best Ben Sherman shirt at the time, as well as lashings of Lynx Africa, amplifying his fanny magnet abilities.

Women of all ages were left rolling on the floor clutching their groins in agony as a specialist Garda team bundled Coughlin into the back of a van and whisked him out of town to limit the damage to the nether regions of the rest of the Waterford female population.

“You can’t be a pure fanny magnet and just wander around town” yelled one doctor over the screams in the A&E of Waterford Hospital.

“I’ve got thirty women in here, all with their fannies torn right off. One woman needed 150 stitches to re-attach her vagina, and she was one of the lucky ones. There’s ten women out there whose fannies flew into the Suir as the cops drove your man away”.

Appeals for fanny magnet regulations have flooded social media following the incident, pleading with confirmed fanny magnets to stay out of populated areas.

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