Height Of Dads Jeans Reaching Critical Point


MEMBERS of the Doran family based in Portlaoise are expected to stage an intervention with dad, Steve Doran, after the height of his jeans has reached a critical point.

Daughters Tracey and Ciara, along with son Jake and wife Theresa said they will sit down with the 64-year-old at some point after dinner today, in a bid to put a stop to his rising waistline.

It is believed Mr. Doran first began wearing ill-fitting pants in 1993, following the purchase of 6 pairs of Dingo jeans from Dunnes Stores.

“Steve doesn’t like shopping, never has, so he usually buys in bulk when he needs something, so he doesn’t have to go through the whole ordeal again for another few years,” Theresa Doran explains, “Unfortunately for our family, he never tries anything on before buying it, and just guesses the sizes, which he is absolutely terrible at, as he usually guesses three sizes too big,” adding, “It’s very embarrassing”.

Currently, Mr. Doran’s jeans sit somewhere around his midsection, approximately four inches above his navel. Along with poor sizes, Steven Doran is also prone to over wearing his jeans, so-much-so that they fade to an almost white complexion, with freckled stains ranging from Varnish to Bostic wood glue, with fragrant ammonia undertones.

“We’re going to sit him out back on the patio and burn all his jeans,” said son Jake Doran, “We’ll probably have to hold him down as he’s quite attached to them, but these things have to be done for the family’s sake”.

Hoping to appease their father, the Doran siblings have pooled together 400 euros for new pairs of jeans that will actually fit him.