Who Is Niall Horan’s New Girlfriend? We Stalk Her To Find Out!
THE media and the celeb-loving world broke the news yesterday that One Direction man Niall Horan is rumoured to have married and had 7 children with a mysterious Belgium student woman in the last 24 hours.
With our thirst for reaching new journalistic heights never quenched, WWN did what any other responsible media outlet would do and began aggressively stalking this young woman in order to find out as much as we could about Céline Hélène Vandycke.
Having met Niall at the British Summertime Festival in Hyde Park, we can already confirm that Céline has in all likelihood used a portaloo, which means despite being beautiful, she shits and urinates just like anyone else.
A subsequent rummaging through the rubbish at her Belgium home confirmed that she consumed food and then disposed of the leftovers in bins. Similarly, after breaking into her bedroom we can confirm her choice of underwear is pleasing to grown men who are paid to break into people’s homes.
After frantically scouring the internet, we tracked down Céline’s social media accounts but were unable to copy and paste a number of her photos without her permission, just so you could look at them.
Due to Céline’s Instagram account being set to private, we were inconvenienced and had to resort to a common tabloid tactic of individually messaging her social media friends, offering them a cash sum if they could send us photos of the fiercely private, newly famous woman.
These photos confirmed what we suspected, Céline is beautiful by today’s ideal standards of beauty, which was of great relief to the WWN journalists tasked with flipping through several hundred photos of the 22-year-old.
In order to learn even more about Céline, we researched what information our media rivals had already gathered on her, and were rewarded with some excellent and diligent work.
“She pushed her auburn locks back off her face and tucked it behind her ear while talking to the handsome pop singer,” the Daily Mail reported, confirming vital information. Before reading this we had no idea Céline had hair or fingers and we can now say with some certainty that she is a human being.
“Niall never let Celine out of his sight and looked infatuated. He had his arm around her throughout the evening and kept going in to peck her on the cheek while they watched the gig. They seemed incredibly happy in each other’s company, laughing and giggling loads,” the Mail Online went on to confirm in an entirely made up quote, that absolutely no one uttered.
Be sure to check back in WWN tomorrow, when we will have another 43 articles on Céline if we aren’t served with a restraining order.
EDITOR’S NOTE: if you are a random, unknown member of the public, but have plans to be photographed from a distance by the paparazzi while you are talking to someone famous please set all your social media accounts to public. You’ll be saving us a lot of hassle.