5 Tips To Get Yourself Into A Relative’s Will

SHORT on cash? Aren’t we all pal. Money doesn’t grow on trees, but that doesn’t mean to say you can’t farm a nice wedge of cash from an elderly relative after they pass away. Get yourself into your granny’s good books and secure yourself a site with the following tips…

1) Visit them

Let’s start simple; you may not have seen your elderly relatives since your confirmation, but they haven’t forgotten you (unless they have). So a quick visit will be sure to get you up the ladder a bit higher than any of your cousins that haven’t bothered yet. Don’t waste time though, the closer your aunt or granddad gets to death, the more relatives start cosying up to them to get into the will. Get there first! Visit now!

2) Do a few odd jobs around the house

The phrase you want to hear out of your mother’s elderly uncle-through-marriage is “ah sure aren’t you very good”. People who fall into the category of being “very good” tend to cash in when it comes to will-time. Earn your “very good” status with a few household chores. These people are old as fuck, there’s bound to be a light bulb needs fixing in the house.

3) Kill their nemesis

Old people have lived a long time, and they’re bound to have racked up a few enemies along the way. At their age, they’re too feeble to kill them by themselves. Here’s where you come in. Use your youthful skill to finally put that old bastard in his grave, so that this other old bastard will keep you in mind when he’s chatting to the notary.

4) Destroy the one ring

Someone has to do it, and it might as well be you. One does not simply walk into Mordor, but if they do, they’re bound to get a bit of a windfall when their gran dies.

5) Take their place in the grave

Visit the shaman. He is wise in the ways of such things. He will transfer your essence into their frail body, and their’s into yours. All their riches will be yours! Enjoy it, in the grave! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha!