Fine Gael TDs Form Queue To Stab Enda Kenny In The Back

IN order to avoid any problems associated with a rush to stab Taoiseach and Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny in the back, all Fine Gael TDs have agreed to form an orderly queue, WWN has learned.

“We’d just like to put a bit of order to proceedings,” explained one experienced Fine Gael insider, who was keen to see his party’s TDs remain patient while queuing up to stab the Taoiseach in the back.

The increased clamour for Enda Kenny to step down as leader sits in contrast to just months ago as TDs were happy to stick with their leader as they felt it was the best way to ensure they were elected again and given ministerial positions.

“The last thing anyone wants is for one TD to approach Enda while his back is turned only to find someone else is in the middle of plunging a knife into him. And God forbid someone doesn’t feel like they had ample opportunity to really plunge the blade as deep as they’d like. It isn’t much to ask for there to be a little bit of decorum,” the insider added.

It is believed senior Fine Gael figures have allowed TDs to select and choose their own knives with little restriction being imposed on the dimensions of the blade.

However, Leo Varadkar has been repeatedly warned that his use of a chainsaw will not be tolerated.