Michael Gove May Be One Fucked Pig Away From Being Prime Minister

WITH David Cameron set to vacate the position of prime minister in October following his decision to step down after the Brexit referendum, Leave-campaigner Michael Gove was been assured that position is his if he gets with the program and sticks his penis in the rotting head of a dead pig.

With fellow Brexiter Boris Johnson ruling himself out of contention and UKIP leader Nigel Farage deciding to spend the rest of his days walking the earth righting wrongs, Gove has a clear run ahead of him in the race to be the next British prime minister.

However, Cameron himself has issued a statement letting the former Times colmunist know what needs to be done to secure the kets to 10 Downing Street.

“Zip down and fuck the pig, Mike” said Cameron, eating a Kinder Bueno.

“I did it, so you have to do it too. The people who really run the British parliament like to have some solid dirt on you before they hand you the keys, just so they have something to hold over you to make sure you stay in line. Just relax and let it happen, a few of us will take a picture or two, and then boom – you’re having dinner at Buckingham Palace”.

Sources close to Gove have confirmed that he has already enquired if it was enough to have already screwed the entire population of Britain during the Brexit campaign.