Big Head Fears Little Head


GOLFING megastar Rory McIlroy has cited a fear of the Zika virus as a reason for sensationally pulling out of representing Ireland at golf in the 2016 Olympic games in Rio de Janeiro, claiming that he has no desire for his head to shrink down from its current size.

Zika, a mosquito-borne virus known to cause microcephaly, a birth defect which shrinks the craniums of unborn babies, is reaching epidemic-levels in South American countries including Olympic host nation Brazil.

Having received a hugely swollen head from years of winning major golf tournaments, McIlroy is currently unwilling to participate in any event that might cause his head to return to normal dimensions.

“Rory is on course to become one of the biggest-headed sports stars in recent memory, and he doesn’t want to risk that,” said a spokesperson for the Hollywood native.

“Although the risk of Zika is low, and indeed does not effect the heads of fully grown men, Rory, nevertheless, felt like there was a strong possibility he would return from Rio with a smaller head than he left with. So he’s not going. Simple as”.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Irish Olympic team have stated that they’re more than willing to put their regular-sized heads on the line for a chance to represent their country at the highest sporting stage, adding that they wish Rory and his head the best for the future.