Cheers As Thames River Police Humanely Sink Geldof & Farage Flotillas, Killing Everyone On Board


THOUSANDS of spectators cheered on Thames river police officers this evening after they humanely sank several flotillas, drowning dozens of people, including singer Bob Geldof and UKIP politician Nigel Farage.

In a move widely criticised by human rights activists, the Marine Police Force, sometimes known as the Thames River Police, decided to deliberately sink the vessels shortly after 3pm today, following a morning of chaos orchestrated by the rival brexit campaigners, who traded insults in a nautical battle over the EU referendum.

“A decision was made to bring an end to the Thames river fiasco shortly after 2pm,” Thames River police officer Gary Mooney told WWN “Word from the top came down to ‘use whatever means necessary’ to neutralise the situation in the quickest time possible”.

Sources inside Scotland Yard claim the order came from the Queen herself.

It is believed a total of four Thames River police boats were involved in the operation, and carried out by 24 officers, despite the desperate screams from those on board the flotillas.

“We infiltrated the vessels at approximately 15:12 this afternoon,” explained Mooney. “By 16:03 we had sank all the offending flotilla’s, killing everyone on board. May God have mercy on their souls”.

Following the interception, thousands of bystanders cheered on the mass drowning, which was later looped by Sky News on several giant TV screens erected around the perimeter of the River Thames.