Kenny Furious After Mirror Claims Varadkar To Be Fairest Of Them All

EVIL old crone Enda Kenny has reacted furiously after his magical Red C mirror revealed that he was no longer the fairest of them all, with that mantle passing to handsome young fella, Leo Varadkar.

Kenny reportedly tore the mirror off the wall and smashed it on the ground after learning that 32% of the mirror would like Varadkar to be Taoiseach, with 18% calling for Kenny to step down.

It was the first report that the mirror had made since the formation of the new government, after almost 11 weeks of arduous talks following the General Election. The mirror had earlier informed Mr. Kenny that the satisfaction rate of his party stood at less than half, pointing at a very poor chance that the Fine Gael/ independent minority government had “fuck all” chance of lasting for more than a year.

“I’ll show them, I’ll show them all!” cackled Kenny, from his tower high above Leinster House.

“They think Varadkar is the fairest of them all… we’ll see how fair he is after I hand him this poisoned portfolio! Ministry of social protection? It will curse him to a long period of ineptitude, and everyone will see that he’s no fairer than any of the rest of us!”.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Leinster House, Michael Martin has been asked to explain how he allowed Fianna Fail to sell their one chance at power for a handful of magic beans.