Church With €8 Billion In Cash Takes In 3 Refugee Families


IN an effort to prove that having billions upon billions of euro in assets and cash reserves doesn’t mean that you can’t benefit from some nice free PR, Pope Francis brought 3 refugee families back to the Vatican from a recent trip to the Greek Island of Lesbos.

With most recent estimates confirming the Vatican Bank contains nearly $8 billion in cash deposits, known in financial circles as a ‘fuck tonne’, the cash rich Catholic Church’s benevolence during the current refugee crisis extended to transporting 12 individuals back to the tiny municipality.

Speaking to reporters, the Pope confirmed that accepting the 3 families was to be viewed as a symbolic gesture proving that we are all equal regardless of our religion and actual financial ability to do a lot more.

“Oh, this is gesture heavy, if we were to really get behind this refugee idea it’d cost us an arm and a leg and we here at the Vatican are above all else are pro-redistributing the wealth of the rich as long as it isn’t our own,” Vatican spokesman Fr. Tommasino told WWN.

“The Pope has been clear about the evils of wealth accumulation amongst the richest of the rich, but when you see the interest rates we get on our current and saving accounts you’d get why we’re reluctant to part with it,” Fr. Tommasino added.

The transportation of 12 refugees to the Vatican is believed to be part of a wider program aimed at ignoring ongoing scandals within the church, and accusations of corruption.