Crazy Bitch Eats Chocolate From Malteaser First


A COUNTY Waterford woman has today admitted to carefully eating all of the chocolate from a Malteaser first, like some kind of crazy bitch.

Deirdre Keane, who also admits to eating the top layer of Mars bars first, is said to have no reasoning behind the unusual move, but believes it is down to her uniqueness and quirky personality.

“I’m just fucking nuts, so I am,” she said, demonstrating the stages of de-chocolating a Malteaser. “I usually bite down dead centre, just enough to take half of the coating from the honeycomb ball. Then I nibble off the remaining bits, like an archaeologist cleaning a find.

“I don’t know why I do it. I guess I’m just zany like that,”  she added.

It is understood that the remaining innards are then “sucked to oblivion” inside the 28-year-old’s mouth without haste, with Deirdre admitting to a lack of creative finishing, despite a solid start.

“There’s not much else you can do when you’re left with the spherical bit,” she explained. “At least with Mars bars you can start to work on the edges when you de-lid the caramel layer. Taste-wise; I’m torn between the remaining honeycomb ball and the delicious nugget Mars bar base. It’s a tough one to call”.

A recent study has found that people who like to deconstruct their food are 57% more prone to being mad bastards/bitches than those who just eat normally.