Panama Papers Found Decomposing In Suitcase In The Thames


A GRISLY scene unfolded in central London today as police recovered the decomposing pages of the Panama Papers which were stuffed into a suitcase from the Thames river, WWN can reveal.

News headlines have recently been dominated by Panama Papers, which alleged that a close circle of Putin allies had been hiding assets in the billions from authorities.

“There was ink running everywhere, and we’ve reason to believe the papers had poisoned tea spilled all over its pages. It was an awful discovery to make,” one member of the team that recovered the papers shared with WWN.

The circumstances are eerily similar to a number of high profile deaths which have seen authorities directly link Russian president Vladimir Putin directly to several murders. It is no yet known what the Panama Papers were doing in London, but rumours that it was to seek diplomatic immunity in the Ecuadorian embassy cannot be ruled out.

A grinning and jocular Putin addressed the discovery of the deceased files in an address with Russian media earlier today stating “it’s just a coincidence that anyone who crosses me turns up dead, honestly”.

In other news a relieved David Cameron has said it is about time a new warmer relationship with Putin is forged as “he sure knows how to help a guy out when he’s in a jam”.