“Read Me The One About The Boy Who Became Taoiseach” Asks Jack Chambers Every Night

NEWLY-elected TD Jack Chambers is refusing to go to sleep at night until one of his Fianna Fáil handlers reads him his favourite bedtime story, “The Boy Who Became Taoiseach”.

Chambers, who secured a seat in the Dublin West constituency at the weekend, has taken to pouting at his 8pm bedtime and throwing a strop until someone reads him the story.

The 26-and-a-half-year-old was in his teenage years when disastrous Fianna Fáil policies brought about mass emigration, unemployment austerity, and misery, and decided that when it came to politics they were his kind of people.

Since then, the son of former Fianna Fáil senator Frank Chambers has risen quickly up the ranks of the party, and was put forward as the candidate for the seat formerly held by the late Brian Lenihan.

However, many party members are getting a bit tired of having to constantly read Jack the same story over and over every night, stating that if they have to read the tale about how one little boy from an upper-middle class background was groomed by political tacticians to become the leader of the country, they’re going to crack up.

“If I have to read the bit about how the little boy thought he was doing everything by himself, but really he was just being helped every step of the way by the upper echelons of Fianna Fáil, I’m going to go fucking mental,” said one of Jack’s aides.

“I mean it’s bad enough we have to spoonfeed this kid and keep him safe from anything that could damage his political reputation, but now we have to sit beside him reading this book over and over? Listen Jack, you don’t need to worry about anything. FF will keep you wrapped in cotton wool and you’ll be Taoiseach before you’re 40. Now you’ve got a seat in the Dáil, it’s almost impossible to get voted out unless you really fuck up. Relax. we’ve got you. Just stop making us read you this story at bedtime, it’s driving us nuts”.

It was later added that instead of pushing for a referendum on abortion issues, Jack’s first point of business as a TD would be to make sure he’s always allowed to sit in the front seat of the car even if it’s not his turn.