McDonald’s Giving Away Free Cholesterol & High Blood Pressure This Friday


BELOVED fast food behemoths McDonald’s has scored a PR win here in Ireland after announcing they would be giving away free cholesterol and high blood pressure in the form of breakfast this Friday in all of their outlets.

Queues have already started to form at McDonald’s 34,000 Irish outlets, with many freebie keen customers also booking a follow up appointment with their doctors and dietitians for directly after their free breakfast.

“My doc’s just down the road from here,” explained one woman in the queue on Grafton Street Aoife Hettigan, “once I tuck into the breakfast on Friday I just want to make sure I haven’t permanently damaged my body beyond all repair,” she added, highlighting Ireland’s new cautious attitude to fast food outlets as we slowly crawl towards our target of 100% obesity rate.

While McDonalds, a multi-national restaurant present in the majority of the World’s nations as well as on the International Space Station, insist there is no sinister undertone to this free breakfast promotion.

“No, of course not, we just love giving back to our customers,” McDonalds spokesman Andrew Drury, explained while laughing maniacally and stroking his chin.

McDonald’s insists their breakfasts can make up part of a healthy and balanced diet, but failed to explain why none of their breakfast menu items look that way.