‘Recovery’ To Be Expanded To Rural Towns By 2065


WHILE on the campaign trail today a number of coalition ministers confirmed that the much heralded economic recovery currently happening exclusively in large urban areas would be put on a fast track to reach rural areas eventually, WWN can reveal.

“We’re not going to lie to the public, this is an incredibly ambitious project, but with a bit of luck, we’re probably only 49 years away from achieving it,” Richard Bruton, minister for something, explained to media in Clare today.

The long-term plan is said to involve making sure the uttering of the word ‘recovery’ in rural areas is increased tenfold by the end of 2019.

“There can’t be a recovery unless you say the word about 300 times a day, it works for the folks up in Dublin, oh and I’m legally obliged to say something about broadband or some shite,” minister Alan Kelly said in Tipperary earlier today.

Across the country Governmnet TDs and candidates reiterated the welcome news that an increase in employment and jobs that weren’t JobBridge internships up in Dublin could come to rural areas as soon as 2065.

“There ya go now, look at the face on him, he’s delighted,” said Minister Charlie Flanagan as he handed over a large novelty card which read ‘one job for you, hopefully by about 2065’ to unemployed local man James Corless.

“Ah, it’s great to know the recovery is on its way here like, it’ll be great once it does get here,” Corless, currently living with his parents and unemployed for much of his life, told the assembled media.