Krav Maga: Keep Fit The Israeli Way


TIRED of Tae Bo? Bored with boxercise? Zumba making you go ZZzzzzzz? Then Krav Maga might be the fitness craze for you!

With Krav Maga classes opening up all across the country, thousands of people are learning self defence and shedding the lbs via the same moves and techniques designed for use by the Israeli military!

Learn the basics of the same moves used on a daily basis by Israeli soldiers and you’ll get the kind of workout that will make you feel like the whole world can’t stop you!

1) The stomp

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A key move of Krav Maga is the stomp, where you engage your glutes and your quads to bring your knee as close into your chest as you can, before driving it into the ground as hard as possible. Do twenty stomps with each leg, as if you’re a real Israeli soldier stamping on the hands of Palestinian children. Your bum will look great in no time!

2) The rifle butt


This may sound like it’s another butt-o-rific exercise, but this one is all upper body! Take the stance of a commando with his rifle held in both hands, and drive it forward as if you’re smashing the butt of it into face of someone who you need to move from point A (Palestine) to point B (Palestine, but a lot smaller). This will move your upper body from point A (flabby) to point B (muscular)!

3) The rocket launch


Ready to work those fingers? Point your index finger down in a stabbing motion, as if pressing a button that launches a huge amount of ordinance into a populated area of Gaza. And just keep on doing that, for a solid month. If this exercise seems hard, don’t worry; the international community is spotting you. Just keep launching those airstrikes. You’ll feel this in your upper forearms, but not anywhere else on your body, such as your conscience.

4) The shrug


Work those traps with a high Krav Maga shrug of the shoulders, just as real Israelis use when questioned by humanitarian agencies about why so much of Palestine is now in rubble. Just shrug while breathing out and muttering something about defending yourself. Feel the burn, then allow a cooling-off period before your next session. Your workout is pretty brutal, and you don’t want people to think you’re overdoing it!