EU Leaders Dress As Sexy Pigs In Bid To Convince Cameron Against ‘Brexit’
POSING together for their usual group photograph, the leaders of EU countries took the strange step of changing into ‘sexy pigs’ all in a bid to distract and accommodate British prime minister David Cameron as he arrived to discuss a possible exit from the EU.
The change in tactics from EU leaders highlights just how precarious Britain’s future within the EU now looks ahead of a referendum later this year. After last minute discussions this morning, the leaders decided desperate measures must to taken to persuade Cameron to cancel the referendum altogether.
“We all know Britain and Europe are better together, and we’ve tried all the bribes of new ways of trading with Britain, changing immigration and debt policies, but the British public just wants to leave,” explained German chancellor Angela Merkel, her speech muffled by the pig’s head she was wearing.
“I’m not saying I won’t take one for the team, but really if anyone should it’s one of the ‘PIIGS’ nations, Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece and Spain; their economic fuck ups are the reason we’re in this position in the first place,” Merkel added.
Upon turning around during the standard photo opportunity, and catching sight of the masses of sexy pigs, Cameron immediately dropped his trousers and lunged, genitals first, towards those pigs nearest him, before being restrained. The leaders were then taken to a private room where deliberations on who would engage in the pig fucking with the leader took place.
“Well, to anyone else, the likes of you and me say, these outfits just look like pigs, but to David it sends his mind into a spiral of pornographic pig fantasies. The result being, we’ll have the upper hand in negotiations, he might even cancel the EU referendum altogether, but we just have to pressure someone into doing this first,” explained French president Francois Hollande.
Shortly afterwards Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny was seen slowly raising his hand to volunteer, aware what keeping Britain in the EU would mean for his country and his people.