English Media Delighted At Chance To Slowly Break Guardiola Next Season


THE excitement with which Manchester City fans have greeted the news that Pep Guardiola will begin managing their team next season has only been surpassed by the English football media’s excitement at the prospect of slowly chipping away at the current Bayern Munich manager until he breaks.

“It’s huge for the Premier League, to have this singular managing talent arriving here next year, but I’m probably more excited about crafting character assassination pieces that will help sour Guardiola’s positivity so that by about Christmas this year we’ll have him ranting at length and packing it all in,” shared one journalist from the Daily Mail.

The journalist confirmed that he was already busy coming up with headlines that would craft a narrative of a Spanish manager out of his depth.

“We’ve got ‘Shitti Taka’, ‘No Pep In His Step’ and ‘Guardiola Probably Doing Coke And Cheating On His Wife While Voting For UKIP And Harbouring ISIS Terrorists’,” the journalist enthusiastically added.

While Manchester City fans are admittedly excited about winning the Champions League ten times in the next four years, the press is less enthusiastic.

“Oh, by all means I hope he’s a success, but I will be doing my utmost to make that impossible, mainly by twisting all and any quotes from Pep, purposefully quoting them out of context in an effort to poison this experience for everyone,” another reporter from the Sun told WWN.

“Yeah, this is so exciting,” concurred a journalist from the Telegraph, “we’ve been dreaming about fucking over Guardiola for awhile, now that dream is a reality,” he added, failing to hide his erection.

Guardiola will not be formerly unveiled until his contract with the German champions ends in June this year, but it is expected that he will walk on water throughout his tenure at the Manchester club.