Society Would Trade Everything For Quieter Bin Lorries


A NEW study has shown that mankind would trade the technological advancements that allow every human being on this planet to connect with each other 24 hours a day, and the medical marvels that have greatly increased the life expectancy of our species for a rubbish lorry that could collect the green bin in the morning without sounding like a landslide on a bottle mountain.

Bin lorries, currently the loudest thing on planet Earth, are known to arrive for collections at the exact moment when people have finished their main sleep, but are just about to fall back into a second, “dessert” slumber.

The tranquility of this second sleep, known as the most succulent piece of rest a human can get, is frequently shattered by a rubbish lorry tipping a wheelie bin into the back of itself up to three miles away.

All of mankind’s technological marvels, his wireless connectivity, his cloud based storage systems, are useless in the bid to get ten more minutes of sleep on collection day.

“We polled a million people across the world, and they all agreed that they would give up everything if bin lorries would keep it down a bit,” said Malcolm Jennings, spokesperson for the global survey.

“We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t invent a lorry that collects garbage without sounding like the bombing of Dresden? There has to be something that can be done. No matter when your day off is during the week, there’s always a bin lorry to be heard at half eight in the morning”.

Many people have put quieter bin lorries at the top of their list of things they think are most important to humanity, ahead of a cure for AIDS and peace in the Middle East.