World Shocked To Learn Someone Cares Enough About Tennis To Fix Matches


THE world has been understandably shocked by accusations that anyone would care enough about tennis to begin a match fixing operation.

Even the most ardent tennis fans have questioned why anyone would bother, and highlighted their frustration that fixed matches still saw players hugging the baseline for hours on end, producing nothing approaching entertainment.

“Yeah, I mean, when Wimbeldon rolls round who doesn’t watch 20 minutes of it before getting bored, but really, think of the effort that goes into fixing a match,” observed casual sports fan Gary Coogan.

The joint investigation carried out by the BBC and Buzzfeed alleged that some Grand Slam winners were even implicated via a series of entertaining but ultimately pointless gifs.

“You’d have to get in touch with the players, that would mean keeping an eye on form and world ranking, I suppose that’s the most shocking aspect, that someone would care that much,” added Coogan still struggling with the news, before adding that there were possibly 10 to 15 sports he believed were worth fixing ahead of tennis.

The head of tennis’s ‘integrity unit’ Chris Kermode has reassured the public that he aims to clean up the game and prevent any illegal match fixing. However, the public immediately responded by stating ‘honestly, don’t go to all that trouble over it, we’re not all that invested in tennis’.