Government ‘Devastated’ IBRC Inquiry Won’t Be Finished Until After Election


THE Government is said to be understandably devastated by the news that the IBRC inquiry won’t be finished until after the election as the legal impasse the inquiry encountered remains unresolved.

“You wouldn’t believe the number of letters I wrote to legal experts, the opposition leaders, all in an effort to resolve this, the hand was falling off me after the letters were sent,” the Taoiseach Enda Kenny explained while holding up the afflicted hand as proof.

News that the public will be none the wiser as to why write-offs totalling €1.3 billion were given to 38 IBRC customers is likely to leave Fine Gael’s rating in the polls unchanged, the reality of which is barely being contemplated by the coalition.

“Ah, look, we’re a bit shell shocked here we wouldn’t even be thinking about those sorts of things, we were desperate for this inquiry to be completed by the initial deadline of the 31st of December, even if a day after the inquiry was announced in June 2015 I said there wasn’t much chance of that happening,” the Taoiseach mournfully shared with the media.

As further proof of the Government’s devastation the Taoiseach proceeded to show the media a photo of his cabinet ministers making various sad faces.

“You look me in the eye and try to tell me them lot aren’t fierce sad. If this inquiry was out before the election, it might have reflected badly on us, and we were obviously desperate to help it meet the deadline,” the Taoiseach concluded trying hard to disguise his smile.