Bono Somehow Making Paris Attacks About Him


A PERPLEXED public has reacted with confusion in the wake of U2 frontman Bono’s apparent attempts to make the tragic terrorist attacks of November 13th in Paris somehow about himself.

“I’m still at a loss as to explain it, but I’ll be fucked if anyone tries to tell me different… he is, isn’t he? He’s making it about himself somehow, isn’t he?” Damien Curley, Dubliner and occasional enjoyer of U2 songs queried earlier today upon seeing an interview with the band’s frontman on US television.

In an interview with CNN hearaled as the band’s first interview since they weren’t directly affected by the Paris attacks, Bono revealed he was so moved by the scenes in Paris that he wrote a song about the events.

“The Parisians will love that, go on send a camera down on the streets there, I guarantee you, it’ll make their day. Bono. The Bono. Writing a song about Paris. It’ll almost make the attacks worth it,” Bono explained in a candid interview.

The interview comes after the band’s announcement that they have rescheduled their concert in Paris in a singular act of heroism unparalleled in the world today.

“ISIS rhymes with crisis,” the singer explained as if hinting at something incredibly important, “U2 rhymes with glue, like the glue that holds us together. What I’m trying to say is that I’m the reason the Western world is still standing,” the singer added before explaining there was honestly no need to thank him.

In a gesture which further suggested the revered singer was reluctant to let a large scale terrorist attack go by without integrating his brand into it somehow, Bono extended an invite to Eagles of Death Metal to support the band at their Paris gig.

“There were going to play a smaller venue without us, and there was a risk we wouldn’t make it into the papers then, we couldn’t have that,” the singer concluded.