Local Woman Still A Bitch Despite Her Morning Coffee


DESPITE claims that she’s “a right bitch without her morning coffee” 36-year-old Ailbhe Drummond has presented a number of examples today that she is also a complete bitch on the occasions she successfully drinks the hot beverage.

Skipping a lengthy queue at her local cafe Bean There, Done That the Waterford woman ordered a latte with ‘goat’s milk for take away, to be placed in two cups’ along with a healthy supply of serviettes and a side order of ‘hurry up, I’m in a fucking rush, yeah?’

The purchase and consumption of the coffee invited a great sense relief upon Ailbhe as she now knew she could continue the day without the fear of being insufferable or short with people.

“Ha, ah you know yourself, I’m an absolute demon without the coffee, you’d see a real different side to me if I hadn’t had my coffee,” Ailbhe explained to her coworker James, outlining her regular use of a flimsy excuse for why she couldn’t be arsed being courteous or nice to the general public.

“God, could you imagine? Me without coffee – I’d be a monster,” Ailbhe confirmed with a laugh, however WWN spoke to Ailbhe’s co-workers and we learned that the mood balancing powers of coffee may not appear as effective as once thought, or even be a factor in Aiblhe’s levels of bitchiness.

“She’s a fucking weapon of the highest order,” revealed co-worker James Claskin, “I told her my son was in hospital and that he might die, she told me to quit my moaning and that if he died, he’d probably deserve it, and all this after 3 lattes in the space of a few hours,” Claskin confirmed.

Claskin’s testimony was backed up by several other staff members, who confirmed that Ailbhe’s coffee consumption has in no way reduced her propensity for being a truly horrible person.