Local Man Reckons He Could Fight Off Ten, Maybe Twelve Terrorists


THE terrorist attacks in Paris at the weekend have served to reassure one Dublin man that when it comes to fighting off Jihadists in a kill or be killed situation, he could easily take up to twelve of them out of it.

Mark Brennan, 34, is confident that he could draw on nearly three decades of action movie experience to neutralise any situation in which he or his loved ones were threatened in an active shooter environment.

Having surveyed the carnage in Paris on Sky News, Brennan formulated a scenario in his head, in which he was in attendance at a location overrun by terrorists.

In this instance, the overweight and quite unfit Brennan easily disarmed the attacking mob using his who has an imaginary black belt in imaginary fighting, winning the praise and adoration of everyone in attendance.

“I’d use the same techniques that I would have used if I was onboard one of the planes that crashed into the twin towers,” said Brennan, staring out the window of the office he works in.

“The terrorist lads would be all ALLAH AKBAR, then I’d jump out and pah pah pah, WHACK! Problem solved. Maybe I’d get shot once, like in the shoulder. Just a flesh wound, nothing that would slow me down in any way”.

Brennan is also certain that he would be able to disarm any explosive device worn by extremists, providing it consisted of a large digital display and a choice between a red wire and a blue wire.